Don’t Tell Me to Smile…

Women are not ‘magician’s assistants’ who must grin inanely on command and as a female I have been told things like:

You are so pretty when you smile
Smile, you will look pretty
Smile… you will look less bitchy
Why are you so serious? Smile!!
If you lose weight, your body will match your beautiful Smile…
Cheer up darling, it can’t be that bad
…. and more….

Of course smiling is a sign of friendliness, but it should come unprompted; no-one should be obliged to plaster on a grin for the sake of someone else’s fragile ego. Yet women are forever being told to do so.

I don’t know if I smile naturally or it’s been ingrained in me to hide dark secrets I’ve had to live with all these years…but one particular memory comes to mind that I would like to share.

A couple of years ago…I was working at a well known large digital company…I was a Supervisor and Trainer at that time…and running a huge promotion on the floor. As I was walking up and down the aisles supervising the agents and listening and guiding them…I was pretty focused on what was happening and our goals. So rightly so, I was not smiling.

Across the floor, over the top of about 300 agents a booming male voice called out my name “You would be so much prettier and approachable if you smiled Ms. Feather” and he waves his arm up in the hand laughing and chortling like he just gave me the winning tip to climb the corporate ladder. In front of my staff and the whole contract.

I was FUMING. Luckily a co worker grabbed my arm and locked eyes with me and said to me “deal with him later!” Which I did…and it will happen more now that our Covid Masks are coming off more and more.

So, why do women get so upset when they are told to smile? Perhaps you’re a nice man who doesn’t understand why a woman would care. After all, you’re only trying to make her smile, and isn’t smiling good for your health?

For one, it’s sexist, even if you don’t mean for it to come across that way.

Even in the most benign scenarios, it equates to asking a woman to change her behavior or appearance in order to fit what you think is most pleasant,” Karen Fratti writes on Hello Giggles.

Besides, women aren’t running around telling men to smile. When is the last time you heard a woman tell a man she doesn’t know to smile? I honestly can’t think of one instance.

Just like you wouldn’t tell a woman you don’t know what to wear or what to say, you shouldn’t try and dictate the facial expressions she makes.

Give him the ugliest smile you’ve got
Ain’t nothing wrong with a resting face
Respond with ‘WHYYY?”
Give him your “Jack” face!!
The blood capsule is the perfect solution – easy to find on Amazon too
Lastly: Don’t you dare smile…give him this look instead and only Smile when YOU feel like smiling and be true to yourself: